Serre Region
« Raina Heartnet »

Welcome Guest. Please Login or Register.
Nov 28, 2009, 5:57am




Serre Region :: Character Information :: Character Applications :: Raina Heartnet
   [Search This Thread][Reply] [Send Topic To Friend] [Print]
 AuthorTopic: Raina Heartnet (Read 128 times)
Raina Heartnet
Moderator
*****
[M:0]
member is offline





Joined: Oct 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 7
Karma: 0
 Raina Heartnet
« Thread Started on Oct 22, 2008, 12:49pm »
[Quote]

Character Information

[image]

General
Name: Raina Heartnet
Nickname(s): Rain
Birth Date: October 31, 1991
Hometown: Nimoona
Age: 16
Ambition: To be a Gym Leader or Trainer




Personal

Personality:
Raina is headstrong and very tom-boyish, but she does have a girlie side. She loves Fire Pokemon because of their power and heat that they give off and to her. They also always seam to be the cutest then others accept Pichu and it's evolved forms. Raina loves it when it rains. The smell just calms her and the thunder reminds her of a legendary Pokemon battling another like a story her mom once told her.

When Raina battles she likes to use long distance moves as well as fire pokemon. She loves to run on trails over the mountains or ride Arcanine since he moves a lot faster and she loves speed. She also loves flying. It gets her to places faster and it gives her a rush of adrenaline. She hates bug Pokemon and ghost Pokemon though. They freak her out.

Appearance:
Raina is a fit and healthy 16 year old. She has long blonde hair and unusual crimson eyes. She normally wears a long, short sleeved turtle neck, torn at the shoulders. Tight black shorts, black gothlets, a brown leather belt with her pokemon attached are also part of her clothes. Also black and red knee-high boots.

Raina has slightly pale skin even though she is always in the sun or training her Pokemon. She has some scars on her back from her childhood as well as on her wrists when she was cutting herself for about a year. She also has a large burn along with the scars on her back. She is 5' 7", a healthy hight and 125 lbs.


History:
Raina's mother and father had always wanted a baby. Their first baby was still born and that tore her mother's heart. When Raina was born, she was perfectly healthy and happy. Her mother, who was a Meteorologist and was fascinated by the rain and how it was created, named her new baby, Raina.

Her father was a dance instructor and when Raina was old enough, he taught her tap, hip-hop, ballet, and ribbon dancing. Ribbon Dancing was her favorite and she became a pro at it. When she turned 15 she started teaching ribbon dancing to younger kids. Soon after her father died of old age and she couldn't teach it anymore. It hurt to much to think about it, so she left her mother and became a pokemon trainer and possibly a gym leader.

Other:
N/A
« Last Edit: Oct 26, 2008, 1:17pm by Raina Heartnet »Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
Professor Sycamore
Administrator
*****
[M:0]
member is offline

[avatar]



Joined: Jun 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 142
Karma: 0
 Re: Raina Heartnet
« Reply #1 on Oct 22, 2008, 2:18pm »
[Quote]

Uhm... Where to start...
First of all, you did not fill in all the necessary fields, being her Hometown, or Birthplace, whatever.
You also have a few grammar problems with your application, so I'd like you to go over and read it again, and correct accordingly. For example, pail is the wrong term. And Headstrong is not supposed to be capitalized.

On another note, her past is kind of.... cliche. I'm not sure if you know what these are, but her past qualifies her as a Mary Sue, which I, personally, hate. But, I guess I will accept her, but only if you edit this thread and correct a few things. You do not need to change your text or anything, just look over it and correct the grammar mistakes. Thank you!
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
Raina Heartnet
Moderator
*****
[M:0]
member is offline





Joined: Oct 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 7
Karma: 0
 Re: Raina Heartnet
« Reply #2 on Oct 24, 2008, 6:04pm »
[Quote]

I'm not sure what to change pail to. the only other word that I can think of is white, but she isn't white. And I'm not sure what you mean Mary Sue...
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
→Nai
Moderator
*****
[M:0]
member is offline

[avatar]

Call me...Your master ♥



Joined: Aug 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 37
Karma: 1
 Re: Raina Heartnet
« Reply #3 on Oct 24, 2008, 7:41pm »
[Quote]

I think you mean pale. A pail is a bucket.

Mary Sue means perfect. She doesn't have any flaws, she's pretty popular, and all together unoriginal. People aren't like a Mary Sue. They have fears, flaws, and mistakes they regret. You should explain these flaws and fears to make her more realistic as a character, rather than a rather bland character.

What she means as the history is a Mary Sueish type is that, here's this girl/guy who's parents died. Erm, not to original. Perhaps if you explained a bit more how they were murdered. Were they targeted for some special reason, or not? Also, 7 different families that all ended up being druggies or something? Not very realistic. Perhaps, re-read it and try to add more details, it makes it more interesting and less bland and unoriginal.
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
Raina Heartnet
Moderator
*****
[M:0]
member is offline





Joined: Oct 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 7
Karma: 0
 Re: Raina Heartnet
« Reply #4 on Oct 30, 2008, 10:30am »
[Quote]

hows this?
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
→Nai
Moderator
*****
[M:0]
member is offline

[avatar]

Call me...Your master ♥



Joined: Aug 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 37
Karma: 1
 Re: Raina Heartnet
« Reply #5 on Oct 30, 2008, 11:49pm »
[Quote]

This isn't much of an improvement. Still very bland and unoriginal. Your first idea was fine, you just needed more details. I have to say you actually took a step back and made it even more Mary Sue-ish.

Look at other profiles for examples.
Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
   [Search This Thread][Reply] [Send Topic To Friend] [Print]

Google
Webserre.proboards.com
Click Here To Make This Board Ad-Free


This Board Hosted For FREE By ProBoards
Get Your Own Free Message Boards & Free Forums!